I recently got an email from someone whose comments aren’t going through on that other blog I write for.
I let him know that the spam plugin Akismet was probably snagging them, and he responded to let me know that was a “piss poor” answer.
Apparently I should dig through the tens of thousands of spam messages to find his comments. Which, given the tone of his email, I’m sure were constructive and insightful.
No one owes you their attention
Are your ads being blocked by spam blockers? Sorry, web visitors don’t accept your premise that they’re obliged to read ads on your site.
Not getting the comments or retweets you want on your blog posts? Your readers voted with their response (or lack of response) — while they may have enjoyed your content, it didn’t move them to take action.
Not getting personal attention from that individual you admire? It bites (and trust me, I’ve been right there with you), but you simply haven’t done anything remarkable enough to snag their attention. Not yet.
(Another possibility is that you just haven’t given things enough time.)
Good manners help. A lot
There is one proven way to capture attention — throw a tantrum. It works brilliantly.
Say some nasty things about that guru and you’ll pop up in his Google alerts. You may very well give him heartburn for a couple of days. If you’re obnoxious enough, your name could certainly stick in his mind.
But since you are not three and the guru is presumably not your parent, an ugly tantrum doesn’t do anything to get you what you actually want, which is positive attention.
Almost everyone who contacts me is lovely and polite. But of course, which messages do I remember the most vividly? The ones who tell me my answers are piss poor, or call me various kinds of names.
My patience for these evaporated maybe six months ago. And my kid taught me long ago not to reward tantrums.
Attention is not magic fairy dust
This may seem a little snarky, but it isn’t meant that way.
Something I’ve noticed at conferences and other venues is that we all have a tendency to think that if we can just get five minutes in front of that super successful person (or that person whose outlook we think is really cool), everything is going to go differently.
I got really lucky when I started this blog.
My very first commenter was Seth Godin. (As Brian enjoys pointing out, the blog at that point was something of a shrine to Seth. He showed up to give a friendly word.)
A few months later, I even managed to entice him to link to me, by writing a thoughtful post about a book he’d just published. That post got a ton of traffic for about a week, more traffic than I could ever have dreamed of getting at the time.
What would be different if those two things hadn’t happened?
What if Godin had never commented on the blog, and had never gone on to send me a link?
What would change about the way I run my business? About the timing of when I was able to quit the day job? About the number of spots in my courses that I’m able to sell? About my cash flow or monthly revenue? About how much I enjoy what I do?
Zero.
No choirs of angels came to appoint me with success. No doors swung open to lead me to fame and wealth.
It wasn’t my “lucky break.” It wasn’t a break. It was just some attention from one smart guy.
Mostly, what I got out of it was encouragement. Which is valuable. It was damned exciting to get that attention from someone I admire so much, and it gave me great pleasure.
But encouragement from a “brush with a guru” lasts for a few weeks. Maybe a month.
You know what’s lasted for years now, with no signs of waning?
Encouragement and support from friends and peers. Folks like Naomi and Dave and Jon and Charlie. (If I start trying to name everyone on that list, we’ll be here until December, so just realize that this is a small subset.)
Some of them started before I did, some after. None of them lives on Mount Olympus. We were just folks trying to figure out how to do business and blogging.
That’s all the gurus are as well. They don’t have a magic new flavor of success dust that they can offer you.
When they do give you their best advice, it’ll be boring
- Work really hard.
- Be yourself.
- Do a better job on the fundamentals.
- Give before you ask.
- Don’t give up.
Yawn, right?
But that’s the only advice they can give you. It’s the best advice they have. That’s why it’s a cliché. There’s not some secret guru advice that they’re holding back.
What’s the law of anti-attraction?
If there’s a quality that will repel the attention, the connection, and the success you want, it’s an attitude of entitlement.
The person you admire so much, both personally and professionally? Loathes an attitude of entitlement. Without knowing anything else about that person, I can tell you this with perfect certainty.
(If you want more evidence, check out this excellent compilation from Tamar Weinberg about how to get an influencer’s attention.)
I’m certainly not saying you don’t deserve the best
You absolutely deserve the best. You’re amazing.
If you work hard and are true to yourself and do a better job on the fundamentals and give before you ask and don’t give up, I have complete confidence that you will receive the best.
None of us gets the goodies because we’re born talented. (I’m writing a lesson for my free e-course about Carol Dweck’s work on the fixed versus the growth mindset, which I think plays a major part in this. Expect much more about this in the future, because I think it’s one of the few actual magic secret keys to success. In the mean time, pick up her book Mindset, or at least check out her site.)
So don’t worry so much about whether or not you innately “deserve” anything, good or bad. Instead, get obsessed with making yourself better, making your projects more remarkable, becoming more skilled, doing better work, serving more people in a more profound way.
And be too damned stubborn to quit.
How about you, any amazing examples of entitlement mentality that you’ve run into recently? If you share them in the comments, I promise to wince in sympathy.
Yes.
That’s all I’ve got. But, um, yes.
.-= Naomi Dunford´s last blog ..As Soon As You Care, You Lose, or The Difference Between Hungry and Starving =-.
So awesome to see another post over on this blog & looking forward to seeing more here. You rock on Copyblogger, but I miss your voice over here at RC.
“When they do give you their best advice, it’ll be boring” is probably the best subhead I’ve read in a year. 🙂
Keep rocking it –
Dave
.-= Dave Navarro´s last blog ..Why Affordable Products Hurt You And Your Customers =-.
Had a guy ask for us to remove a comment with his phone # that his ex put up to spite him last week. Well, the comment was a few years old, but he found it last week from Google. I happily complied. Not our fault, but don’t want anyone’s privacy invaded and felt bad for him.
So, he writes again today demanding that I remove it from Google too. You know, I wish I could control when Google decides to crawl our sites. That would be pretty awesome.
Another guy wrote last week demanding that I explain to him what our logo has to do with our business name before he would decide whether or not to hire us. Apparently he never heard that things don’t have to be literal.
These are probably not exact examples of what you are referring to, but they both got a fat “delete” so perhaps they count? My patience also diminishes in proportion to people wasting my time. Funny that.
.-= Naomi Niles´s last blog ..Breaking the Rules: When Best Practices Are Not =-.
@NaomiN: great example of knowing who your ideal client is (and is not).
.-= Mark Keating´s last blog ..Wind farm in Champaign County gets green light from Ohio Power Siting Board =-.
Laughing, NaomiN, exactly.
I got a guy who was really angry with me on the Copyblogger newsletter for promoting something. He still wanted to get all of the educational content, mind you. Just no more of “this crap.” I unsubscribed him and asked him to please not subscribe again.
I saw a great Guy Kawasaki quote once, “Let me know where you want me to send that refund check for free.”
I think I’m with Hugh MacLeod: it seems like the attention seems to come in waves when you stop wanting (or needing) it and focus on doing excellent work. His book Ignore Everybody covers this space very well.
On the other hand, you’ve done an excellent job of summing up the idea here!
.-= Mark Dykeman´s last blog ..The essential skills that every thoughtwrestler needs =-.
Yep, that’s about the sum of it. You just have to crack on and do your best work. Over and over and over again. And not quit. And then not quit some more. Oh, and try not to be an asshole.
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last blog ..7 Ways To Evaluate Art Sites =-.
LOVE it! Terrific post, Sonia.
I too can remember the snide and downright nasty comments. I contend these are people who wake up every morning and are instantly pissed when their names aren’t in the obits. No appreciation for life, no appreciation for anything other than to demand more of everyone and everything. Screw that. I’m a business, not a servant.
Exactly! I’m also a big fan of these two fundamental rules of success:
1) try
2) repeat #1 until you succeed
Sometimes the best advice isn’t exciting or even what you want to hear, but there really aren’t any guaranteed shortcuts. Great post!
.-= Corbett Barr´s last blog ..The 5 Most Effective Things I’ve Done To Increase Traffic In The Past 6 Months =-.
OMG, but yes. And a corollary is to think twice before you join in massive promotions promising you massive exposure while overloading your existing following with too much information and too little value.
Exposure, whether to gurus or the faceless masses will do nothing for your bottom line. If you envy someone else’s success, emulate (don’t imitate) them. You’re responsible for getting to where you want to go.
.-= Molly Gordon, Self-Employment Coach´s last blog ..DIY self-employment support: How to start a Master Mind group =-.
I also love the “good advice will be boring”
The whole magic pill – ends up being what you knew all along- do what you love, work hard, follow smart people who’ve blazed a trail, make it your own.
Regarding the jerks: No one has the right to be rude or even unkind much less demanding. The common denominator here is the kindergarden basic “do unto others” rule right?
I had an email from a *potential* client recently saying “I know you’re booked right now, but that’s not going to work for me because I want everything yesterday.” As if I would drop everything to work on a site for someone who emails something like that out of the blue.
Funny, she didn’t respond when I reiterated my availability for her.
Also I’m with Dave, that IS the best subhead I’ve read in a long time.
.-= Tzaddi´s last blog ..Simple Truths of Life, Drawing and Business =-.
Really stellar post!
My first time reading your blog, and it was a fantastic first impression.
.-= Colin Wright´s last blog ..Drink to Life =-.
@Phyllis, exactly. And not only is it jerkish behavior, it just turns around and bites you harder than you ever managed to anyone else.
@Colin, thanks and welcome. 🙂
@Tzaddi, heh. And I guarantee that then this person wonders why her vendors are all so flaky and/or incompetent.
@Mark D, amusingly, I tried for AGES to get Hugh’s attention, couldn’t ever do it. Now, maybe a year or two down the road, he thinks I’m amazing. I was just as amazing then, in my excruciatingly humble opinion. 🙂 But like I said, sometimes it just needs more time, or you need to do more stuff.
You have more self-discipline than I.
I’d have replied something like:
“Dear Sir,
I am deeply sorry that our spam filtering system does not meet with your requirements.
Unfortunately I have no control over it, since it was recently upgraded to the latest, self-aware version of Akismet which filters comments based on its estimation of the contributor’s value as a human being.
It appears you have been assessed and found wanting.
This may seem unfair to you.
From our interaction so far, I am sure you are a lovely person, with many cherished friends and a great deal to contribute to the human race.
However, Akismet doesn’t seem to agree.
I truly wish I could do more to assist you in the situation, but I fear you must look inwards for the help you need.”
But that wouldn’t be terribly Kumbaya, now, would it?
.-= Iain Gray´s last blog ..5 Things Your Parents Taught You That Could Wreck Your Business =-.
Love this post! Very much in a start up phase myself, it is so nice to read this. The comments also provide a good reminder that we can/should choose our clients.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Celebrate!!! I Made A Decision. And Allll Sorts of Goodness Has Followed! =-.
Iain you crack me up!
Hands up, everyone who thinks Iain’s true calling is “creative customer service” 😉
.-= Tzaddi´s last blog ..Simple Truths of Life, Drawing and Business =-.
Iain, you are now officially hired as the Copyblogger contact form answerer. I realize you probably don’t want the job, so we will be sending large goons over to threaten you until you accept it.
Hehehe,
I reckon there’s a whole new content niche right there – the Angry Autoresponder. 🙂
@Tzaddi, shhh, now you’re getting dangerously close to the _real_ reason I quit doing IT support. 😛
.-= Iain Gray´s last blog ..5 Things Your Parents Taught You That Could Wreck Your Business =-.
Ooh I like that Kawasaki quote for the refund for free. 😉
I get snarky people who email me like that too. I’ve had one guy even go so far as to say I had to delete an article because it offended him. Because somehow free speech doesn’t mean anything. Ahem.
Oh and I loved your analogy that attention is not magic fairy dust. So true! Definitely encouraging, but not the only thing in the world… and like you mention, not what’s going to make or break your business. 🙂
.-= Nathalie Lussier´s last blog ..Behind The Scenes of The Magick Menu Launch =-.
Oh Iain, I may need to copy/paste that response! “The All-Knowing Akismet says the answer lies within you.” Love it!
.-= Pamela Wilson´s last blog ..You Already Know The Most Important Color Rule =-.
All of these horror stories are reminding me of one of the good things about being a small fish–everyone who comes to visit wishes you well. Not a reason to stay small forever but definitely something to enjoy while it lasts!
.-= Maureen Carruthers´s last blog ..The power of positive language =-.
Iain – that is cracking me up! The Angry Autoresponder – I wonder if the url is available 🙂
Love the post Sonia! It is so true, you can’t think that the attention of one person is going to make or break your business, you have to keep going and going and going.
@Corbett – love your formula. Have you patented it?
@Maureen, it’s nice to be too small to be jealous of. 🙂
.-= Catherine Caine´s last blog ..Website heresy: One article, one idea =-.
I have this guy who wants to publish full-length research papers in my comments. Besides the fact that they’re like 10 pages long, only marginally related to my subject, and really poorly written, I have no intention of EVER publishing one of his “comments.”
Needless to say, he’s really angry that I have denied him his freedom of speech.
Iain, can I get you to write an email for me? HA! That was the funniest thing I’ve read all day.
.-= Carole´s last blog ..American Robins in Your Wildlife Garden =-.
Sonia, I was having a look-see at the Mindset site you linked. I am already TOTALLY in a growth mindset! I didn’t realise that was a rare and precious thing until now. I’ll feel grateful and smart about that all day today.
.-= Catherine Caine´s last blog ..Website heresy: One article, one idea =-.
Whenever people don’t leave comments on my blog, I assume it’s because I SUCK! I SUCK! AAAAGGHHHHHH!!!
Really, a sense of entitlement sounds like more fun. 🙂
.-= cinderkeys´s last blog ..Acknowledgments =-.
Line I hope to remember to use: “I fear you must look inward for the help you need.” Thank you, Iain!
Can I give an experience of somebody’s inflated sense of entitlement in the non-virtual world? (Tangent: What’s the name for that usage, when you have to specify the thing that used to be the only thing, like a landline…is it retronym?) Periodically, our small business receives angry phone calls from people absolutely *demanding* to receive the free community newsletters we bulk mail in certain zip codes. (Yes, it’s junk mail.) More than once, I’ve had someone say to me, “I pay my taxes!”
Fortunately, someone else’s inflated sense of entitlement can be pretty funny after you’ve had a little time to get over your shock, right? 🙂
@Maureen, that’s true! Although I hope folks don’t let the fear of idiots dissuade them from growing. The lovely people outnumber the idiots by about one skillion to one.
@Catherine, that’s very cool! I would have guessed that, actually. 🙂 I grew up as a very fixed-mindset kid, and I can remember the precise moment when I figured out that I could get better at stuff by working hard. I know it seems simplistic and even silly, but it’s radical. The Mindset book (and it is quite a simple book) pretty much blew my tiny mind.
@cinderkeys, indeed, a little entitlement might be good for you. 🙂
@Sandy, yah, I’ve had a lot of first being annoyed, and then being very, very amused.
So mine’s kind of embarrassing.
I sent a fan-email to an author whose book I was reading. NY Times best-seller.
We had a couple of nice emails back and forth.
Then, I blogged about the book, part-way through about something that really blew my mind.
Then… I emailed her: ‘I blogged about your book… ;)’
Straightaway: ALL CAPS EMAIL ABOUT WHAT I NEEDED TO CHANGE.
Apparently that book (the best-selling one) was old hat to her now, and I should read her next book, and I’d totally got the wrong end of the stick and please put *these words* in instead.
So….
I did.
Saying that they were hers, but I replaced the words on my blog.
I still can’t believe I did it, but, you know, NY Times best-seller. ALL CAPS. Teeny-tiny blogger.
Scared me.
Oh, and I did get a message from someone recently who wasn’t that bothered about my free video course because she wasn’t that much of a video person.
Ex-squeeze me?
Oh, and I just did a Sonia’s back happy dance.
.-= Andrew Lightheart´s last blog ..How to present like Elizabeth Gilbert =-.
A ‘Sonia’s back!’ happy-dance.
Just to be clear.
.-= Andrew Lightheart´s last blog ..How to present like Elizabeth Gilbert =-.
Thanks Sonia, this comes at a perfect time for me. I’m having a crisis of faith. My industry seems to be increasingly dominated by entitled designer-rock-star wannabe narcissists who don’t want to hear anything that conflicts with the vision of their lives unfolding and what their lives will look like when they star in it. I am having to face the reality that I am functionally irrelevant; it’s time for me to move on and do something else because whatever I do -free- still isn’t good enough. The current climate is not hospitable to craft and integrity, but profit and heretofore unsurpassed levels of self interest. So much for the young being such altruists. I’ve never seen so many focused on making their own pile at the expense of everyone else than I have among today’s young people.
Yeah, send me an address to send that free refund check and I’ll be sure to get it right out.
.-= Kathleen´s last blog ..Pattern Puzzle: Bonkuk Koo =-.
Owaaah, you’re going to write about Carol Dweck? No fair, that’s MY secret weapon! *frowny* (Speaking of entitlement.)
Excellent post. I run into this kind of attitude a lot in the amateur comics scene. Writers who just can’t imagine why they can’t find an artist to work for them for no pay, that kind of thing. Oh, and once an agent who went on a crazy tirade after he sent me a porn comic to publish and I sent a very short “no thanks, I’m not interested in that” reply. He told me I was really rude and unprofessional, and anyway he had people in Brazil and Korea lining up for his stuff, so it was my loss! With lots of all caps.
Andrew, your comment made me smile. So cringy! So sad! So funny! A good reminder that the people we look up to (NY bestseller writers, blog gurus, etc.) are just people themselves. Sometimes, really small and insecure people.
You and Seth Godin are STILL in synch…his post today was about what REAL friends do for us, and your comments resonated with that.
I’m so glad you’re fired up by Carol Dweck’s book Mindset. I thought it was amazing and have been badgering everyone I know to read it too.
Sonia, ha! “If only” syndrome is terribly dangerous..if only I could talk to Mr/Mrs. Big Shot Guru, if only Famous Blogger would respond to my comment..blah, blah, blah. The magic is in having a plan and working it to get what you want. Hard work, ha, who’da thunk it!
I love the Angry Autoresponsder idea, rofl!
.-= Karen Swim´s last blog ..Do I Need Social Media? =-.
An absolutely inspiring post. Thanks!
I remember last year when Jeremy Schoemaker pulled an April Fools joke saying he was selling his blog, moving to WA & would be commuting to work on a submarine.
I fell for it hook, line & sinker. Posted a comment on his blog saying how beautiful WA was & how he’d like it and even told other bloggers & friends about it.
When someone told me those were all clues from “Lost”, I realized I’d been duped. (I’m a little slow but not usually so naive) I mentioned it in post of my own, saying how retarded I felt. Yeah, retarded.
Some guy left an angry comment demanding that I take down the word “retarded” and replace it with another word because it was offensive and a no-no.
I did change it, but with a comment on how many words could be taken offensively: dumb, lame, dork…I suddenly realized I was offending people in 99% of my conversations.
Not sure if I’d change anything if it happened again. One quote I’d heard about blogging still rings true: “If you’re not pissing someone off, you’re not doing things right”. 🙂
.-= Coree Silvera´s last blog ..6 Tips To Writing Publicity Friendly Content =-.
@Carole: I’ve had people complain that I wouldn’t let them publish comments too, usually the not-so-useful-but-totally-self-serving type. And they always seem to bring up the whole free speech thing… I told the guy he could give me a link to his web site, where he could spout off about whatever he wanted using his free speech on his corner of the internet. (Except I was nicer than that…)
He wasn’t interested in that though. Too much work apparently. 😉
.-= Nathalie Lussier´s last blog ..Behind The Scenes of The Magick Menu Launch =-.
YAY! Sonia’s back. I’m trying to find the best way to say “we miss you” in a way that doesn’t cause overwhelm or regret or something. I can’t, but just know that we love it when you do share with us.
I hate that we all have a negativity bias – we remember all the bad stuff and overlook the hundreds of small good things. I’ve currently been lucky enough not to get a lot of entitlement demands, although it’s starting to get worse as my visibility grows.
I also think that women are more likely to get demands and maltreatment, so I’ve got the dude factor working for me.
+1 for the boring advice headline. Since I already have the flair of sandstone, it’s fitting that my advice carries the same flair. But now we’ll have to be sneaky marketers and spice up our simple counsel so that people are wowed into thinking it’s something more complicated. Note: simple ? easy.
Thank you for sharing with us, Pinky.
.-= Charlie Gilkey´s last blog ..The Four Essential Drives That Every Creative Needs to Stay Motivated And Do Genius Work =-.
Thanks Sonia (and all commenters)! It is so encouraging to be reminded of the basics. It’s all really simple, isn’t it?
I, too, am a total newbie and thanks to you I at least feel like I’m going in with fewer illusions than I might otherwise have!
Quite frankly I think it’s a piss poor post when you don’t name everybody that has ever been a positive influence in your life. It’s not like we’re talking millions of people, it can’t be more than a few thousand.
I for one distinctly remember saying well done, or keep up the good work, or shut up women, or something like that a few months ago anyway. But alas that’s not even worth a H1 tag link to my site.
I don’t know why I bother sometimes.
I await your full explanation of no less than 3,000 words with interest.
.-= Tim Brownson´s last blog ..Free Life Coaching Offer =-.
People regularly email me wanting to promote their latest book or product, or want to guest post on my blog. Most of them don’t even take the time to go through my site to find my name so they can start the email with “Hi Jonathan” instead of “Hi.”
Starting a relationship trying to GET something is setting yourself up for failure.
You’re right Sonia. The advice that works is boring, but it works. A lot of people want elegant, complex and intellectually impressive answers to simple problems. I want what’s timeless. I don’t want the next thing. I want the staying thing. Thanks for reminding me of that.
.-= Jonathan Mead´s last blog ..You Don’t Have the Right to Not Care =-.
@ Jonathan – I actually disagree with that, big time. Not the bit about knowing somebodys name, it goes without saying you should address the person by their name and show you know who they are.
I have taken on two mentees (is that the right word?) that asked me out of the blue if I could help them when I didn’t really know them.
I seem to remember giving you some free coaching when you were just getting started. I hardly knew you well at the time, right?
How would you go about getting help from somebody famous when when you don’t know them? Just give up.
It takes guts to ask (ok, sometimes stupidity too) and the person can always say no. I say no at least twice per week to some request or other, but if they are polite as Sonia suggested, I have no issue whatsoever with them asking.
The day I’ll be pissed is when nobody is asking.
.-= Tim Brownson´s last blog ..Free Life Coaching Offer =-.
Sonia = awesome. Thanks for this! After last week’s descent into nasty comment insanity, I can actually now have a bit of a laugh.
I even got a Tweet out abt my blog from one of the Gurus, but guess who consumed all my energy? Nasty comment man. I guess I learned a valuable lesson about where my energy should funnel.
But I am brand new to this mean comment thing, so I forgive myself the last one.
@Kathleen: Ha! Your comment reminded me of a book the company I work for published. Every wannabe narcissist rock star needs to read the beginning of A Few Scattered Souls. (Apologies for the length; hopefully you’ll like this enough for it to be worth it.)
—
“What I mean is,” he began again, “growing up…I always
thought I would get to the point where my life would just end. I thought it would be like in the movies where the guy and the girl fall in love and ride off into the sunset, or the bad guy gets killed, or the town is saved and everybody’s happy.
“I know I’m not all that smart…but it just came as such a shock when I finally realized that life was like this. It was probably in Sassabo. One day, just standing in formation, and I just asked myself, what made me seriously think my life was going to be different than this? I always just imagined that some day I would just be happy. And I didn’t realize it until recently, but whenever I used to daydream about what the future was going to be like, I never dreamed about me. I always dreamed about someone else, a simplified version of myself—someone that would be contented with just owning a car or having a girlfriend or being married or having kids.
“The worst thing about trying to live out your dreams is that you have to be there to live them out; you’re always there. You can’t get away from yourself. You’re always there to ruin it.”
—
.-= cinderkeys´s last blog ..Acknowledgments =-.
Yes the good advice is boring and still good. Not bathing regularly is also the law of anti-attraction. Actually there are probably more of those laws that work than the other one.
My excessive hubris example. I was all set to buy a $500 buck info program on life purpose about 6 years ago. I liked what this particular guru wrote on the subject and since that’s my field it sounded like a good move. Before I made the leap I decided to get on his teleclass where he promised an extensive preview of the course. Then after a 10 minute introduction from someone he must have paid, he rambled through a 30 minute commercial. I hung up No sale. Wrote him a pretty nice feedback email. No response. Some folks just do out grow their britches.
.-= Tom Volkar / Delightful Work´s last blog ..Four Ways To Be Who You Really Are =-.
Thank you for this!
Thanks for reminding us that NONE OF US is the center of the universe! A hard-learned but important lesson for some, sadly (if learned at all!).
My name is Danny and I am powerless over knuckleheads.
Well, at least Sonia until I read your Law of AA post and these wonderful supportive comments.
Thank you.
WOW, Thank you for the breath of fresh air, not to mention the long list of quality comments that gives me a rush of positive energy.
Community Action Hero
Loved this post. What makes me sad about people trying so hard to impress the hot shots is that they don’t seem to value the support of their friends and peers very much. But ongoing support from people who care about you is far more valuable than a “brush with a guru.” Not saying that a brush with a guru wouldn’t be delightful, though. 🙂
Sometimes rudeness comes from frustration or a desperation to make that connection, any connection.
With good manners and ploughing your energy into what you love doing, you’ll be able to make more relevant and better connections with your heroes when the time is right.
.-= Amy Harrison´s last blog ..Are You Showing Up For Your Dreams? =-.
I recently watched Will Smith’s video collage of different interviews. One of his quotes was: “Where other guys sleeping, I am working; where other guys eating, I am working.” And that was his true reason for success.
Sense of entitlement will never get us anywhere, although I must confess, stomping my feet and screaming on top of my lungs is sometime the urge I have to fight.
No matter how talented you are, your talent will fail you if you are not skilled. And getting skills requires work.
Great post!
Ana Hoffman/YourNetBiz
.-= Ana Hoffman YourNetBiz ´s last blog ..YouTube Video Marketing Secrets: Top 10 Ways to Drive Traffic To YouTube Channel =-.
Excellent. Just excellent.
Thank you.
That is all.
🙂
.-= Christy´s last blog ..Editing Audio – Part 1 =-.
This definitely resonates. I have come to the conclusion that the entitlement mindset is like a creeping cancer of the mind and soul… and that escaping it is one of the keys to transcending our fears and limitations. I have never taken it to the kind of extremes you outline above, being a generally polite and congenial person (hey, I’m Canadian, it comes easily to us)… but here’s how it manifests itself for me: jealousy. I don’t feel that the world owes me anything, but when I see people having the kind of success I would like to be having in a given arena, I have a kneejerk reaction of jealousy, a what-have-they-got-that-I-haven’t kind of thing.
I’ve known for years that this is totally unproductive (actually, anti-productive) but I’ve begun to realize that it also infects and sabotages my creative process, which is even more unacceptable to me. More importantly, I’m finally beginning to learn how to transcend it.
I’ll definitely check out Carol Dweck’s work. For my own part, this will be one of a number of issues I’ll be exploring in a free manifesto on creativity, to be released sometime later this spring.
I can definitely relate to what Tobias is saying. While stomping my feet and whining isn’t something I do (often), I do find myself in the grip of the ugly green monster of jealousy.
As a newbie trying to make my presence (work) known, I often find myself irritated that someone else ‘made it’ while I’m still plugging away.
Wow this is an inspiring and educational post Sonia! I can resonate with the big idea myself. After years of reading books and blogs and magazines and talking to people and doing everything else to find the “Secrets of Success”, I realized that there is NO secrets of success.
Sad to know, but the true gurus will only keep telling you the same advice: follow your passion, work super hard, don’t give up. Is it worth it to pay to hear the same thing from them? Sometimes, when you’re losing your motivation and get stuck. But often, no. You just need to be patient and keep working at it, and do the real work.
And Sonia, thanks for your advice on everything. It’s been wonderful learning from you. 🙂
.-= Ken Siew´s last blog ..How You Can Spend, Save, and Earn Half A Million Dollars =-.
Hi Sonia,
Found you via Dave over at Website in a Weekend … so glad I did. You’ve hit the nail on the head.
There are people out there that make a lot of money bashing anything and everything they can. That boggles the mind (at least it does mine). Not that they are bashing, but that they make a lot of money doing so. What that tells me is that there are a lot of angry people who feel that they are not getting their share of success/money/happiness/etc. and they relate with the bashers, they feel that the bashers are their flag bearers. Such a shame.
High fives all around to you. I have personally decided that from now on whether I write or speak in public that I will try to raise the bar without putting on the rose colored glasses … people need to know that there is no gimme but that if they are willing to put in the time and the effort, eventually the train will pull into the station.
.-= Valentina´s last blog ..Five Basic Steps to Online Networking =-.
You always make me feel that the playing field (is) level:-)
Best,
Don
.-= Don of the desert´s last blog ..Your video solution =-.
Finally. Thanks for telling me I don’t need to worry over attracting some serious, kick-ass bloggers. I’ve only ever linked to one, and it was b/c it was relevant and felt I needed to include him to tell the story.
It’s easy to forget there really is no competition if you’re being yourself and doing what you were intended to do.
Sonia, there is so much on the net that I rarely find I read something that really resonates with me at the right time. This article was it. Today was obviously my lucky day.
Nice article Sonia.
I think its just human nature to demand attention from others and we experience a feeling of grand confirmation when a “guru” acknowledges what we are doing with our businesses. If we “know ourselves” and believe firmly in what we want and need to achieve, then that word of acceptance from the guru does not matter.
I’ll admit that even today I experienced that feeling of entitlement as I have been trying to connect with a business person I admire but have not been getting any responses.
We just need to simply have a never-ending supply of belief in ourselves and hold firmly the vision we have for our lives and business.
Keep up the great work Sonia.
.-= Robyn from Sam’s Web Guide´s last blog ..Will Social Media Marketing Consistently Outperform Search Engine Optimization? =-.
Sonia,
Thank you for this insightful article that is so on-point for all of us to remember. You make it clear that no matter how much encouragement and knowledge we gain from others, we can only be remarkable in our own way by taking care of the basics, working hard and above all else being consistent and patient.
If there were a magic pill the power of it would probably kill us in one dose. It’s the work we do along the way, the skills we hone and the wisdom we develop that supports and sustains the success we eventually enjoy.
.-= Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D.´s last blog ..3 Happiness Myths Debunked =-.
Flora: Just sent your second paragraph to my bandmate as a quote of the day. Good insight.
.-= cinderkeys´s last blog ..Ripple effect =-.
hi sonia–
i’m new here, and late to the party, but i just wanted to say thank you for the profound message. i couldn’t agree more about relationship building, knowing where your place is, and conducting yourself with as much grace and poise, as possible, is key for any endeavor in life.
thank you!
Great post. I remember there was a book that was once recommended to me called “don’t sweat the small stuff”. I never did get to read it – but life’s experience has sort of taught me that it is the small stuff that truly counts in the end. I love your 5 bits of “friend’s advice”. True. I will try to stop searching for the magic bullet or the shortcut to success 😉 (although I do dream that one day I will be “found”)
How refreshing to be sent to a link and find something truly engaging and interesting to read. It has been a pleasure to visit here. My heartfelt thanks to you!
Great post! Sometimes I feel like I’m the only idiot out there slogging my way through the morass of new information required to take really good care of my clients. I especially like the “Give Before You Ask” and “Never Give Up” suggestions.
Sonia, I’ve just discovered your blog (through Copyblogger). I’m a fan of Seth’s books too. Am getting a lot from your posts – thanks for being who you are and putting in the time and hard work to help others.
I paint with a guy who is called the greatest living painter (Richard Schmid) and artists erroneously think that if they can just get 5 minutes with him, their art will be discovered or he’ll invite them to join his small group of painters. The fact is that he talks to so many artists at events that he can’t possibly remember them all.
That’s great that Seth linked to your blog, but I know what you mean about the effects not lasting long. In today’s blog world, very little lasts very long – I write for Fine Art Views and when the editor reposts a former post, the readers don’t remember it even if it was posted a month before. That’s why we need to make sure the content sticks in the minds of our readers – and that takes a lot of thought, sweat and skill.
Thanks again… you’ve hung in there, developed your skill, and that has made all the difference. (to us)
Great post! The secrets of success are very simple and straight-forward, but how you apply them is a never-ending adventure in the infinite. That’s why I make it a daily activity to read your blog, read Chris’ blog, visit Success.com, be around successful people, and devour every how-to book I can find. I am CONSTANTLY learning new ways to give first! I am perpetually re-learning the fundamentals. I learn more about myself every day. None of these are “secrets” but I owe a big thank-you to you and others that have really put a lot of energy, information, and passion out there for others to pick up!
Ha, I loved it!…. Great way to put it out there. One of my quotes has been. “No one owes you a damm thing,”. If we’re as remarkable as we think we are, the right people wil notice. Those right people don’t necessarily have to be people of infuence. I’ts works in conjunction with how we treat all people, even the ones that can’t, refer us, connect us with, put in a good word, or introduce us too, that in the long run get us notice by the people who could. Some of the most infuencial people are people like myself, open, down to earth,straight forward folk, that aren’nt afraid to connect people and services together just because… I myself may not be a big wig ,but I consider myself a valuable person of intrest, why because I love too hook people up,so to speak. I am natural relator and the law of attraction,has allowed me to meet a lot of people, knowing me is a blessing because my mind and modivation benifit anyone who I ever come across. So lol love your attitude!
I want to thank you for the links, and the free e-course you created, I am signing up for it!
I am doing everything I can to learn learn learn before I implement things I don’t know. Yes I am beginning but that doesn’t mean i have to start of on a bad foot. I’ve already tripped over my feet for a long time now, and I need the encouragement to keep going, so thank you for this post!