I do a lot of copyediting, both of books and advertising collateral. I’ll let you in on a secret that still surprises me, although I’ve seen it hundreds of times now. If you looked at the raw work of most professional writers, you’d be pretty underwhelmed.
Professional writers get work because they hit their deadlines, they stay on message, and they don’t throw too many tantrums. Some pros have a great writing voice or a superb style, but as often as not, that gets in the way. When you know that the best word is “prescient,” it’s hard to swallow when an account manager tells you the client won’t know what it means.
Professional writers rely on editors to fix their clunks. Like good gardeners, sensitive editors don’t hack away—we prune and gently shape. When we’ve done a great job, the page looks just like it did before, only better. It’s the page the writer intended to write.
Editing, like writing, takes time to learn. But here are five fixes I make with nearly every project. Learn to make them yourself and you’ll take your writing to a more professional, marketable, and persuasive level.
1. Sentences can only do one thing at a time.
Have you ever heard a four-year-old run out of breath before she can finish her thought? I edit a lot of sentences that work the same way. You need a noun, you need a verb, you might need an object. Give some serious thought to stopping right there.
Sentences are building blocks, not bungee cords; they’re not meant to be stretched to the limit. I’m not saying you necessarily want a Hemingway-esque series of clipped short sentences, but most writers benefit from dividing their longest sentences into shorter, more muscular ones.
2. Paragraphs can only do one thing at a time.
A paragraph supports a single idea. Construct complex arguments by combining simple ideas that follow logically. Every time you address a new idea, add a line break. Short paragraphs are the most readable; few should be more than three or four sentences long. This is more important if you’re writing for the Web.
3. Look closely at -ing
Nouns ending in -ing are fine. (Strong writing, IT consulting, great fishing.) But constructions like “I am running,” “a forum for building consensus,” or “The new team will be managing” are inherently weak. Rewrite them to “I run,” “a forum to build consensus,” and “the team will manage.” You’re on the right track when the rewrite has fewer words (see below).
(If for some insane reason you want to get all geeky about this, you can read the Wikipedia article on gerunds and present participles. But you don’t have to know the underlying grammatical rules to make this work. Rewrite -ing when you can, and your writing will grow muscles you didn’t know it had.)
4. Omit unnecessary words.
I know we all heard this in high school, but we weren’t listening. (Mostly because it’s hard.) It’s doubly hard when you’re editing your own writing—we put all that work into getting words onto the page, and by god we need a damned good reason to get rid of them.
Here’s your damned good reason: extra words drain life from your work. The fewer words used to express an idea, the more punch it has. Therefore:
Summer months
Regional level
The entire country
On a daily basis (usually best rewritten to “every day”)
She knew that it was good.
Very
(I just caught one above: four-year-old little girl)
You can nearly always improve sentences by rewriting them in fewer words.
5. Reframe 90% of the passive voice.
French speakers consider an elegantly managed passive voice to be the height of refinement. But here in the good old U.S. (or Australia, Great Britain, etc.), we value action. We do things is inherently more interesting than Things are done by us. Passive voice muddies your writing; when the actor is hidden, the action makes less sense.
Bonus: Use spell-check
There’s no excuse for teh in anything more formal than a Twitter tweet.
Also, “a lot” and “all right” are always spelled as two words. You can trust me, I’m an editor.
Easy reading is damned hard writing.
~ Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Most of the tips were straight-forward and well written, but thanks for the brushi up. Even though I knew most like writing short paragraphs for the web, reading it again as well as the other examples and suggestions was an excellent idea.
Thanks Simone!
I often tell people in seminars – “My mom taught me, there are three kinds of sentence. While working as a content writer, I discovered another type – perhaps the best of the lot – the Simplest Sentence.” Some of them laugh and some keep silent.
It was nice reading the post and specifically “Sentences can only do one thing at a time”.
Structure
Heres some speaking advice to get you hitting the target;
Sentences can only do one thing at a time.
Have you ever heard a four-year-old run out of breath before she can finish her thought? I edit a lot of sentences that work the same way. You …
to keep it short .. a handy post
🙂
Wow, I’m no professional writer (casual blogger perhaps) but this was a very helpful post. Where was this in high school? Heck, where was this in college? This list should be nailed to the top of the WordPress admin panel. Thanks for the post!
I agree with most of this, but as a UK English language professional I would say that we are less bothered about the passive voice than you are in the States. Perhaps it’s because we are closer to the French?!
Interesting grammargirl–maybe it’s that pernicious EU influence!
Thanks for this great post! I found it informative.
Thanks for this, great post, especially on ways to shorten phrases. However, I use ‘alright’ sometimes, and I don’t think it’s TOO badly wrong.
This really helped alot and it made me feel alright with making my writing better! Seriously, those last two word hints, “a lot” and “all right” were the icing on a very informative grammar cake. Thanks!
Absolutely fantastic advice, right up their with Vonnegut’s “pity the reader” set of tips.
Paul, if I can help one person write “a lot” and “all right,” my work is done. 🙂
Thanks Tim, high praise indeed!
Sonia,
Thankyou for these easy to use tips. I’ve read many “how to edit” guides but none as clear and practical as this. I’m sticking it on the wall next to my monitor for reference during my future editing sessions.
Regards,
Gary
Some handy tips there. Thanks. I will go back to my blogs and edit like crazy.
Thanks for the brush-up Sonia! I’ve worked as an editor myself, but it’s always nice to see such basic principles outlined clearly.
It can be so hard to apply these to one’s own work!
Your tip #4 reminds me of a needless word that I often hear on the news: “completely” followed by “destroyed.”
Good article.
Terrific advice. Keep it simple, clear and direct. The End.
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I use both “all right” and “alright,” depending on the context. When I mean “all things are right” I use “all right,” and I use “alright” as a synonym for “okay.” They’re subtle differences, but I use each phrase with intention. In my opinion, intentional writing can often beat out other principles – especially when it’s a matter of style, such as word usage and voice.
However, I agree with pretty much everything else, and concur with above commenters that it’s refreshing to see some important principles so clearly laid out.
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I’ve Stumbled though several different sites full of writing tips that bored me, yet I found this one to be remarkably helpful (and not boring at all). I will be keeping this in my bookmarks for future reference.
The only thing that bothered me was a sentence in the introduction: “When you know that the best word is “prescient,” it’s hard to swallow when an account manager tells you the client won’t know what it means.” I think that if someone doesn’t know what a word means, they should use a dictionary. It’s how I’ve expanded my vocabulary, and it’s not as if dictionaries are produced by the thousands just for fun.
Either way, thank you for this Sonia.
This has been a fun post to read. I write most of the time in spanish, but the part on the gerunds and participles really got me (they’re wonderful to use) However, it is true that any speech has a terrible kick off if it starts with a gerund. Delicious as it may be to play with time in one’s writing, a present part./gerund sounds weak as a first sentence.
Although I do have an objection. The passive voice shouldn’t be narrowed to a view on how a reader/writer sees himself in the world (i.e the ‘we like action part’). The way I see it, using a passive voice, rather than an active has the purpose of pointing out the importance of the complement, rather than the subject who performs the action. (And the impact this has on the reader).
Thanks for sharing!
Your tips on “passive voice” were most helpful and caused me to rethink my writing. hehe Seriously though… you clarified things immensely! I would stare at green sentences in MS-Word and wonder what it was complaining about.
Remarkable Sonia! Thanks!
I keep your “50 things” blog on my desk to remind me, also!
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So nice to hear from you all!
Copyediting is one of those things that tends to bring out passions, I’ve noticed. 🙂 Those of us who love language get very excited about it.
I don’t necessarily agree with the “4. Omit unnecessary words” statement. Sometimes to get the feel or stride of a story “atmosphere” words can/should be used. It’s part of a writers style and can sometimes prevent misunderstandings that can change an important meaning. I know especially in fantasy or romance they can be helpful in getting into the story.
In general this can be helpful, but I don’t like most things that try to be helpful but lump every kind of writing together. Journalism is very different in how it’s written from fiction. And all kinds of fiction are different.
In the last paragraph you lose all my respect. Advice consists of information, not orders, and “alright” is perfectly alright, as are “albeit”, “whatsoever” and “nonetheless”.
Editors can be dangerous. I’ve had editors try to replace words in texts of mine with words of a different meaning, even in ways that destroy the meaning of the work.
D., sorry to lose all your respect (wow), but “alright” isn’t standard. It’s an error that has become so common that most people don’t notice or care, so I suppose one could argue that it’s become correct.
Obviously I’m not some grammar cop who will write you a ticket if you use it. But I will suggest that if you want to submit your writing to someone else, for example a book or magazine editor who you hope will publish your work, you’re always better off using the standard form.
And I agree with you that you need to watch editors very carefully to make sure they don’t change the meaning of your work. More commonly (in my experience), they preserve the meaning but can wreck the tone and voice. I’m actually not a fan of making writing so formal and correct that you wring all of the conversation out of it.
@Anna, for me there’s a difference between taking one’s time in prose and using words that are truly not needed. So a paragraph of description about a lake in summer might be very welcome, but I’d still strike “months” from summer, because it doesn’t add anything. For me, the more descriptive and leisurely the prose, the more important it is to get any “clutter words” out so your reader doesn’t lose patience.
I completely agree that different kinds of writing call for different tones and levels of formality, and that there’s no need to take your prose down to journalism-level sparseness if that isn’t your style!
@Santiago, what a lovely distinction, thank you!
I agree with all your tips.
Though, I do find it interesting that Skellie of skelliewag.org seems to have a practice of maintaining longer paragraphs in her writing on her blog.
Ive always wondered why her blog maintains that style. It doesn’t seem to bother me at all though.
Though, I think generally one should always strive for shorter paragraphs.
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(Saw via Twitter) Amen! Great tips, Sonia.
Some commenters may not realize you’re talking about copywriting and journalism, rather than fiction writing, where you can take as much time and as many words as you like. (Will someone please edit that run-on sentence? Thx.)
@Rachel A copywriter (or journalist) doesn’t want the reader to stop for anything, including looking up words in a dictionary. S/he wants them to keep reading — and then buy! 🙂 “Shirtsleeve English” gets your meaning across clearly and quickly. It’s more conversational, too, which makes it easier for the reader to relate to you.
Everything seems fine to me in regards to what you have to say about writing in English. However, I need to correct your comment about passive voice as it is used in French. In formal french writing, even more so than in formal English writing, passive voice is strictly avoided. It is just dealt with differently than in English; passive voice is either rewritten with a reflexive verb or with a general subject. For instance:
Passive: “The door was opened.” (“La porte a été ouverte.”)
Rewritten as:
Reflexive: “The door opened itself.” (“La porte s’a ouvert.”)
General S.: “One opened the door.” (“On a ouvert la porte.”)
I have to say, I’m pretty embarrassed with myself now…
I pride myself on my grammar and spelling and can be pedantic about it when other people get things wrong… but all this time I’ve been writing “alright” instead of “all right”! I’m devastated!
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I don’t want to imply that you’re tips are wrong, but-
These seems to be designed for editing a very specific type of writing, which is aimed at an equally specific audience. In literature, philosophy/theology, literary criticism, scientific journals, textbooks, and even many reviews (of music, art, literature, etc.), many of these simply don’t apply. Particularly in (some) literature, philosophy/theology, and literary criticism, many sentences are much longer than the type you recommend. Further, in my experience, no paragraph can successfully support an argument in only 3 or 4 sentences; most require at least 5 or 6, if not many more than that.
Also, “extra” words and passive voice can both be used incredibly effectively, provided the writer knows how to do so. Obviously, some of your examples display instances where the “extra” word is merely redundant; that doesn’t mean that pairing two different, but similar, adjectives or adverbs is excessive and unnecessary. In literature, sometimes even reduntant repetitions are desirable, depending on the style of the writing. I don’t completely disagree with what you’re saying here, but it only applies in certain circumstances.
And if someone doesn’t know what “prescient” means, I don’t care much if they read my writing or not.
You forgot to capitalize God.
Tom, I’ve edited a fair bit of fiction, and actually I think fiction writers are wise to take much of this to heart as well. Even writers we think of as wordy, say Faulkner or Pynchon, show tremendous discipline in their writing. They have a lot to say, and it’s complex, but the prose is controlled and careful.
Mintchkin, since my written French is truly pathetic, I will happily cede the point to you!
Louise, we are all aghast!
Interesting, Tim, but I don’t agree at all. Each of those forms benefits from clear, disciplined writing. I would instead suggest the line lies between communication and self expression.
Every experienced writer knows that sometimes it’s best to go against the usual “best practices.” But most casual writers don’t know what those best practices are, and the point of the post was to help those writers write more clearly and with greater professional polish.
Obviously this is an introduction, not a manifesto. And my guess is that the philosophers, scientific writers and literary critics who read this will have enough confidence to write their work in the way that’s worked best for them.
One thing I don’t hear about too often is the rhythm of writing and then ultimately, the rhythm of reading. So while I agree that less is better when it comes to writing, sometimes I will allow a longer phrase to stand just because it flows better when it’s read.
Take the example above: “completely destroyed.”. Yes, it’s redundant and sounds silly when you think about it, but saying it like this: “The bomb hit the ground and the house was completely destroyed” flows much better than “The bomb hit the ground and the house was destroyed”.
Just my opinion.
I don’t think it’s fair to say the work of most professional writers is underwhelming. There is, after all, a reason why writers are writers, and editors are editors.
May I recommend Orwell’s essay ‘Politics and the English Language’?
He said that careless writing causes confused thinking, so leads to mistaken government.
(I used to edit a magazine about the Stockmarket.)
I have to disagree with the insistence that alright must, and is always spelled as “all right”. Language is fluid. Language changes over time. According to Merriam-Webster the word alright has been in use a mere 75 years after the spelling “all right” regained usage. They list the date as 1887. Considering the word has been in use over a hundred years I think it would be more accurate to say that editors simply *prefer* “all right” over “alright” rather than insist it is the only correct form. Interesting reading follows below:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/alright
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Language_change#Spelling_changes
http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/langevol.html
Aside from that one specific nit-pick, I truly enjoyed these simple and nicely articulated suggestions. Thanks!
I always remember this phrase: “Dog bites man”. Not “Man was bitten by dog”.
@TimB
Before we delve into your intellectual snobbery here:
“And if someone doesn’t know what “prescient” means, I don’t care much if they read my writing or not.”
Can you clarify that this line here is a hilariously ironic joke at the idiot’s expense?
“I don’t want to imply that you’re tips are wrong, but”
I know it’s very wrong of me to laugh, and yet, I do.
Me like
Common sense is not that common. Also, it is a lot easier to review and correct someone else’s work – I never enjoyed reviewing my own writings.
I’d suggest you take a look at this book:
http://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Writing/contents.html
It’s clear, brief, and free.
Enjoy!
Good stuff!
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Great article. My “rule” on the passive voice turns on whether something useful to know has been concealed. “Bad writing is caused by excessive use of the passive voice” is not less informative than “Excessive use of the passive voice causes bad writing.”
“Mistakes were made” is unmistakably less candid than “We made mistakes”. In a former career, I heard “The gun went off” a lot more than “I fired the gun”.
I improve writing by questioning passive-voiced sentences. As I work to compose alternative sentences in subject-verb form I remove vagueness and add expressive force.
Kelly has a good idea. There are rhythms in prose, as well as in poetry. Some serious subjects merit a longer, flowing rhythm; others, a staccato style. An ironic article can be more effective if it combines the two, for shock value.
/Prescient/
A good writer, Hemingway perhaps, prefers the strength of a short word to the obscurity of a long one.
Newspaper headlines have space only for short words. I once suggested that Mr Bush re-name Iraq ‘Mesopotamia’, so that his problems in that country would stay off the front pages.
That was my Prescience to the President.
Are Creationists Pre-Science?
David, I resent your mention of Creationists. Personally, I have found no conflict between Creationism and Evolution, since evolution merely states that all organisms change and adapt to their environment over time and Creationism states that God created everything. Those that have actually studied evolution and not formed opinions from random bits of floating heresy understand that it is actually a mechanism by which Creationism could have taken place. If evolution was so terribly controversial when Darwin released his theory, why is he buried smack in the middle of Westminster Abbey?
Also, I agree that alright and all right have very different connotations.
The only point I don’t agree with is the shortening of sentences. I have had plenty of teachers and professors who like my work since I don’t cut corners. Shortening a sentence when it sounds fine when it’s almost as long as a paragraph makes no sense to me. Hell, some of the best books have extensive sentences.
Great article – the topic always generates debate about what’s right or wrong. Because languages change constantly and usages change rapidly, it’s always dangerous to decree what’s right or wrong.
In Australia, we obviously have our own quirks and preferences and so it goes wherever we travel. My Macquarie Dictionary, which sits patiently by my side, has no problems whatsoever with alright and neither do I.
Your tips though, for clearer writing, are excellent and sadly, so often ignored. For those who love reading, poorly structured writing can spoil the experience. For anyone who loves written language though, even worse is poor grammar which is like dental surgery.
Sadly, (and I’m sure this will start its own thread), from the country that gave us some of the best writing ever, it seems so many Americans just can’t spell. Seriously. Perhaps it’s just Americans on the Internet but I only want one cent for every time your/you’re is incorrectly used (I’m ignoring yore and yaw as I can’t say I’ve seen those used incorrectly).
All the other offenders appear too often; to/too, there/their/they’re, possessives, etc. and they also ruin the experience.
All that matters finally is the story. As I look at my bookshelves, I think about the styles and structures of the great authors and the one common thing they have is ‘a great story’.
While I understand and largely agree, I’m not sure about number 4 “Omit unnecessary words,” because (using your example) “four-year-old little girl” bring a much sharper image than simply “four year old”. And I’m certainly not saying that all sentences need to have little details like that, but it makes a much more interesting and vivid read to have details that give ones mind something to work with.
Great article, very useful. I can use all the help I can get!
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Fantastic post! I love the short examples you gave…
I think it’s worth mentioning Elements of Style, an amazing book worth every pennie…
Thanks and thumbs up!
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“Perhaps it’s just Americans on the Internet…”
Please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t judge Americans by Internet comments. I can’t bear to look at anything on YouTube, simply because it’s so horrifying to read the comments and know such cruel, small-minded, and illiterate people own computers (or their parents do).
“There is, after all, a reason why writers are writers, and editors are editors.”
I agree with the statement if not the implication that writers are holy artists and editors are somehow lesser mortals who merely aspire to criticize them. Writers are the guy hanging the picture frame, and editors are the helpful friend, standing back a few yards to tell you which way to adjust the picture so that it looks its best. The wise writer acknowledges that pure genius does not flow polished to perfection and sacrosanct from her pen, and is thrilled (if occasionally embarrassed) when a talented, supportive editor makes her look good by polishing away the rough edges that passed unnoticed in the frenzy of creation.
Feel free to write however you wish and ignore any advice offered by informed, intelligent editors. Then feel free to whine when your egocentric, poetic, obscure, wordy work of heartbreaking genius isn’t published because all those money-grubbing publishers only care about commercial writing that isn’t as beautiful and intelligent as yours. In the meantime, my editor and I can deposit our grubby royalty checks. And laugh at you.
I am in love with Cathy. That is all.
Sorry, Diamond; it was a joke or pun.
The first advice an editor gave me, was to cut my introduction, and instead get straight on with the story.
He also told me to remember that I am not writing to impress myself, but to make things clear to strangers. Of course, I often forget this when I write on Discussion Boards.
There’s one thing that I can’t help with and that is the long sentences. I love to stretch the sentences and have sometimes one sentence in a whole paragraph. I don’t think of it as something not good though.
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Jack Kerouac would frequently write paragraph-long sentences, mostly for the rhythm of the language. He likened his prose to that of a jazz saxophonist. I always dug that about him.
Great information! Wish I had known a few of these before writing the last few posts on my blog. I was busy trying to stretch out my sentences to make them more flowery!
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I’m not an expert on anything, but I am a college English teacher in the US Midwest, and I can tell you that I am really fed up with a few things.
1. Where’re you at?
2. People have studied of . . . .
3. Due to the fact that at that particular point in time . . . .
And the passive voice drives me absolutely batty.
I apologize for the inconvience.
Great advice. It is difficult to be an objective critic of your own work.
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Many writers follow the above rules. This dried up style is everywhere, from newspaper articles to scientific literature. It’s a good style. As a talentless writer, I can hide behind it and still earn a decent living.
As a scientist, on the other hand, it drives me nuts that I have to find the relevant information hidden in a 4-word sentence on page 3, just because whoever wrote that paper wanted to respect all the rules of good writing, and, at the same time, make sure the text does not exceed 4 pages. Redundancy is so underrated.
Thank you for the tips. Hopefully I can apply what I’ve learned here. If I’m successful, my blog readers will benefit.
Cheers
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I really need to focus on not writing content in a passive voice. It helps having people read over my articles before I actually post them.
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“All right” over “Alright” in an “I’m alright” kind of context?
How very prescriptivist. Even for an editor.
Thanks for the great tips! I write about awakening, which like writing, is utterly simple, but not always easy!
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Great point Kaushik!
“French speakers consider an elegantly managed passive voice to be the height of refinement. ”
Actually, in ESIT (translation university), teachers warn us against using the passive voice and they show us how to find alternative phrasings. 🙂
But what if you get paid by the word, what then??
It is important to remember that when protraying a weaker arguement (especially in scientific or any other objective literature) you should use -ing verbs when necessary.
one of the most civilised set of comments I have ever read on the net.
Great tips! I try to get rid of the passive voice, but my clients put it back in. This gives them “wiggle room” when things don’t work out as planned.
Here’s a great story about the passive voice from the James C. Humes book “The Wit and Wisdom of Winston Churchill”. (p.219)
An American general once asked Prime Minister Churchill to look over the draft of an address he had prepared.
The speech was returned with a note saying, “Too many passives and too many zeds.”
Later the general asked Churchill to clarify his criticism.
Churchill replied, ” Too many Latinate polysyllablics like ‘systematize’, ‘prioritize’ and ‘finalize.’
“And then the passives. What if I had said – instead of ‘We shall fight on the beaches’ – ‘Hostilities will be engaged with our adversary on the coastal perimeter’?”
Copy editing is two words.
There’s no such thing as, “copyediting” any more than there is such a thing as a “website.” (It’s two words, also, with Web capped– i.e.: “Web site.”)
And don’t whine about common usage. Common usage is for the rabble of monkeys out there hooting and hollering about their, “Bling!” and whatever else passes for culture these days. knowhutI’msayin?
I’m also a professional copy editor. I agree with your list. Since these are pointers for beginners, I’d also like to see a word on adverbs (or, rather, three: DON’T USE THEM).
The passive voice? I spent a dozen years writing for various pharmaceutical companies. You don’t know what the passive voice is until you’ve written for that business, e.g.:
“It has been ascertained that the possibility of toxicity may be overstated in reference to certain agents, depending on the validity of the testing methodology in use, but that should not necessarily be considered to encourage their use in situations where evaluation of the risk/benefit ratio might suggest otherwise.”
Translation: Go ahead and use them if you want; we don’t know if they’re safe either, but our ass is now covered.
This is why so few novelists spring from the pharmaceutical industry.
Great article! I enjoyed reading it.
Keep going.
I was taught at school that it was wrong to start a sentence with the words “Speaking as a [former] X …” butspeaking as a former copy editor on British tabloid newspapers and for an American magazine online, I do have some experience of making copy more readable. Sometimes I even got it right.
So, with that qualification, I’d agree with ALL of your tips except for …
Sometimes it just works better to leave “that” in: think of it as a form of punctuation. For example: “I was taught at school that it was wrong to start a sentence … ”
As for writing concisely, I always advise people to imagine that they’ve just bumped into a friend in the street as they dash for a train: how would they get across important information in the limited time at their disposal? Certainly not in the stilted and formal way that most people write, and certainly not leaving all the important information to the very last words of the very last sentence of the very last paragraph.
What is important to to any trainee reporter is doubly important to anyone writing from the web: get all your most important information into the first three paragraphs, after that most of your readers will have moved on anyway.
Twitter is a good practice ground for anyone wanting to tighten up their prose: think War and Peace in 140 characters.
I’m sure it was Oscar Wilde who said: “I sat down to write you a short note, but I didn’t have the time.” In essence, writing concisely (usually) takes more effort and more time.
“1. Sentences can only do one thing at a time.”
Sentences can do only one thing at a time.
Nestor,
Kipling, like me, was paid 50p per word. One day, some witty university students wrote to him, enclosing 50p, asking in return for his best word. Kipling wrote back with “Thanks.”
Hi there,
Nice article, I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing it. The aspects to good writing skill vary and you can be a good writer only if you are continuously learning new things that enhance your skills.
Cheers,
Eddie Gear
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The passive voice is aristocratic. The active pedantic. Consider your audience.
While I agree that writers should keep an eye out for the five things you’ve written about, I have a couple of objections.
You write that nouns ending in -ing (i.e. gerunds) are fine, but then give a gerund as an example of one that is not fine: “a forum for building consensus”. (“Building” follows a preposition here, so we can treat it as a noun.) The change you make also changes the meaning slightly. The gerund suggests an ongoing, continuous process of building consensus, while the infinitive suggests the consensus will be built only once.
There are times when the continuous form (past, present or future) is unnecessary, and therefore weak, but there are times when it is necessary.
“When I arrived, they were eating.” This means that they were in the process of eating.
“When I arrived, they ate.” This means they waited for me to arrive before they started eating.
Weakness and strength have nothing to do with it. It’s all about using what is needed when it’s needed.
Other examples:
“Give me that letter — I’ll be going by the post office later.”
“Give me that letter — I’ll go by the post office later.”
Only the first one expresses the idea that my going by the post office does not depend on whether you give me the letter.
“I have read that book.”
“I have been reading that book.”
Only the continuous form conveys the idea that I haven’t finished it yet.
The simple form is “stronger” when there is no need for anything more than the simple form. It’s the right choice by default. It’s more direct in narrative, since it conveys a sequence of events:
“He walked in the room, looked around, and put away his gun.”
But I am curious to know why the continuous form of a verb is “inherently” weak . To say this is to suggest that the sort of context I’ve been talking about has nothing to do with it. Could you explain this?
You also say that only 10% of the passive voice should be left in. Which 10% would that be? The justifiably muddied cases? It would be more helpful if you gave examples of when the passive voice is actually serving some purpose instead of giving a bad example of it.
You tell us not to hide the actor. But ironically, you use the passive voice in the same sentence: “When the actor is hidden, the action makes less sense.” Some people would say that “hidden” is an adjective here, but it’s also grammatically correct to say that this is the passive voice. Few people, I think, would say, “When [someone/a writer] hides the actor…”, so here we have a sentence when the passive voice was necessary, and clear. And here it’s fine because the question of who is hiding the actor is either obvious or of no concern.
If I write, “The letter was sent by me”, then I’m shooting myself in the foot. (I am thinking of your example, “Things are done by us.”) I’ve started off the sentence as if I were not interested in or didn’t know who had sent the letter, but then decided to tell you anyway.
My only objections are to how you’ve framed points 3 and 5. No one can argue that unnecessary words are needed, but to say that we should avoid certain tense forms or the passive voice based on inherent principles is to encourage the indiscriminate uprooting of them, and to end up saying things we didn’t mean.
A good editor is rare. I rarely have run into one. I had the opportunity to hire a good editor. During the hiring process, I saw an example of his editing. It bowled me over.
I’ve been looking for something like this…very helpful article, thank you!
Excellent article. I write a lot, and have several books and hundreds of articles under my belt, and your tips are very useful and handy.
Well posted!
I like the post, and I agree somewhat with Andrew , To be very truthful. Someone on Yahoo Answers referred me here and Thanks for sharing this valuable information.
Thomas,
Great post, but I want to comment on one of your examples:
“He walked in the room, looked around, and put away his gun.”
I wonder if you meant “He walked into the room.” Walking in a room and walking into a room are two different things. The above structure with the simple preposition “to” implies that he was already inside the room when he started walking, but I believe the intended meaning is that there was no delay between his walking through the doorway (into, not in, the room) and looking around. The proper choice of the compound preposition “into” drives away that ambiguity.
I definitely agree with you, Slater.
.-= Thomas´s last blog ..Stamp — a fiction =-.
Just wait till you start having to edit articles written in TXT SPK! Who needs vowels anyway?
Nice tips. Thanks for sharing it, i may be writing my own article soon..
i am guilty of stretching sentences for the obvious reason of making post lenghty.now i know i need to change that…thanks
A year’s gone by since last comment, but had to say a little something. I always like how Sonia spells out her messages in simple, well organized sentences and paragraphs. And actually has something meaningful to say. But, the most fun in this post came from reading all the comments. Several gave me a good laugh, and others caused me to nod in agreement.
Excellent stuff. Let’s grab the bull by the hand and watch our mixed metaphors!
One of the best articles I’ve found on editing, so thanks very much. I also mentioned this post on my blog today.
.-= Moses Siregar III´s last blog ..Passion for Writing: April 12th, 2010 =-.
I am a 8th grade teacher in NC and came across your site while researching some information about writing techniques for my English class this year. I just wanted to thank you for the great information and articles about writing, and let you know about a site we are putting together to help teachers find trusted resources.
We would love it if you could write a few articles for us, but understand that you are probably busy. I have included a link to the site below in hopes that if you can’t write some resources for us that you can at least link to it, tweet it, or add it to your Facebook profile.
http://www.thefreeresource.com
Thanks and keep the great resources coming 🙂
Bre Matthews
Thank you for this article. I definitely need to remember less words = more! I tend to write as I speak which is a tad babbling. However, I do think it’s a part of my ” voice” yet I don’t want to be redundant. I’ll stop using very. It’s a beginning…
Hi 🙂 Thought provoking post.
Quote: “When you know that the best word is “prescient,” it’s hard to swallow when an account manager tells you the client won’t know what it means.”
Hard to swallow, but the account manager is right. For example, a doctor writes a piece about a disease for his patients – he can’t use the same words he would use, if he addressed a medical conference. Every writer should take into consideration his target audience, the background of the people to whom he/she addresses.
#1 & #2 very good points, if only for the sake to spare the readers of “running out of breath”, when reading a sentence or a paragraph :). Long sentences & paragraphs, might confuse and tire a reader.
#4 I agree with your point, but I disagree on some examples provided. Many times words which seem unnecessary are needed for emphasis. In that case, they might become necessary. So I think that before rendering a word as “unnecessary”, one should examine the context as a whole.
#5 Very good point. I’ll add that other languages profit too from dynamic voice, not only English. It’s about the voice, not the language. I think it has to do with our era. Everything happens at a fast and dynamic pace around us. So communication, oral or written, have to adapt in order to be in step with life’s rhythm.
Thank you for the very interesting post 🙂
I think the best suggestion is the one about eliminating wordiness, it is also the one i need to work on most.
Powerful suggestions in simple words. Thank you so much.?